I published this back in October of last year – and decided that it needed to be revisited again since Charlie has finally been charged with serious ethics violation. Even though this is satire-I imagined this conversation between Charlie and the IRS.
Charlie Rangel D-NY, the most influential House member in Congress and Chairman of the House and My ways and I means it committee who is responsible for writing of all things Tax Law for this country, is headed to an ethics hearing next week
A recorded conversation between Charlie and the tax man was inadvertently leaked recently and transcripts of the conversations are floating around the internet.
Tax man..”Mr. Rangel, I would like to go over some discrepancies we have found with some of your tax returns.”
Charlie… “Which year?”
Tax Man..”All of them.”
Charlie…(under his breath) “damn”
Tax Man…”It looks like we have uncovered about $3 million in business transactions from 2002-2006 that were not reported by you. Can you explain what happened?”
Charlie…”Well um um Would you like a drink or something?”
Tax Man…”No sir, I just need some answers.”
Charlie…”OK, um what was the question again.”
Tax Man..”Can you explain why you did not report $3million dollars worth of business transactions from 2002-2006?”
Charlie…”Well, I am a silent partner in these transactions , and I just signed the documents they sent me without really reading them.”
Tax Man…”Why did you choose to not include them on your tax returns.”
Charlie..”I just told you, I didn’t read them.”
TaxMan..”That won’t fly sir.”
Charlie..”Well damn, It works in Washington, by the way do you dabble in real estate by any chance?”
Tax Man…”No sir, and honestly, I don’t follow you.”
Charlie… ” I know of a brownstone on the upper west side that is coming open in a couple of months that I can let you in on and you could fancy a real quick $90,000 profit without putting any money down.” “That is a sweet deal if I say so myself, what you say?.”
TaxMan..”Are you trying to influence this investigation Sir?”
Charlie…”no,no,no..I am just trying to look after the working stiffs in this world who never seem to catch a break.”
TaxMan…”I can’t do that because it would be considered a conflict of interest.”
Charlie…”Conflict of interest, oh hell no, we call that up on the hill “business as usual”..You have heard of lobbyist and influence peddlers right?”
TaxMan…”I know what a lobbyist is and what they do Sir.”
Charlie… “Do you really?” ”Or, is it what you think you know about lobbyist from the tv, I am talking about people who reverse panhandle for votes for a living down in Gucci Gulch.”
Tax Man…. “What is reverse panhandling?”
Charlie…”Panhandlers beg for money, In Washington, real panhandlers beg for votes by buying us-I mean donating money to our re-election fund so we will listened to what their clients have to say and then vote accordingly on the issue at hand.”
TaxMan…”Mr Rangel, what does all this have to do with your business dealings in your home town and not reporting transactions worth more than $3 million dollars?”
Charlie…”Simple son, I am conducting business here in my hometown the same way I conduct business in Washington. Hell, if it is legal in Washington why isn’t it legal here in the city?”
TaxMan…”Mr. Rangel, I would like for us to schedule another meeting and I would like for you to bring an attorney if you would please?”
Charlie…”Hell boy, I am an attorney.”
TaxMan…”I know, but are you a criminal attorney?”
Charlie…”Before you leave, would you like to donate to my pac fund TEEM?
Tax Man…”What does TEEM stand for sir?”
Charlie…”Kind of an inside joke but what the hell, Tax Everyone Except Me.”
Tax Man…”That name works for you sir, see you in a couple of weeks.”
Charlie…”Can you meet me in the Carribean?”
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